Continuous downfall and difficult time

Okay, things are getting difficult for me these days.

Like the latest retirement of my immediate leader, the team head will be leaving before X'mas. And similarly, uncontrollable expectation would appear regarding the chance of acting up. Posting will be issued next week and frankly I admitted the retardation of myself since the intrusion of n.t.. The truth is I have been unable to work in parallel with her and to adapt to her style. The problem now is not about the chance of acting up but the long term cooperation with her.  However, everything will be clear by next Thursday (13Dec).

Today the team head took a chance to talk to us about his belief in work. Nothing new to me, it's about the management of pressure, stubbornness to work and our role as a special team here. One last aspect was career prospect, he mentioned about "順" "逆" that one may sprint faster at "順" while strengthen the foundation at "逆". I was not sure whether that was given to me but it got obvious when he delivered to n.t. about the reinforcement work during festive period (some kind of handover). For instance, she is going to take his seat (to sprint) and I will have to strengthen myself.

Yesterday we had a gathering with the previous leader, she was calm as usual and never responded to my grievances. I didn't expect her to change radically to yell at anyone for me, the only feeling I got was "I'm alone and no one is going to help nor even share with me". The expected outcome will be, again, I will be left un-notified for every arrangement. Super~

So who cares?! (can't even be honest to myself.......WTF). To appreciate what I have, to be satisfied on what I have. What's the point to care all these stupid arrangements! There might be good thing that someone will be taking her seat and separate the "distance" between us. Brilliant.