So many things to highlight, so little of spare to process.
1. It's been a while since I was posted to wanchai.
Good? Never. I don't see any light here. Met some many of others taking over, senior ones, junior ones, similar ones.
Adapted? How? Adapted to hell?
Happy? May be better than staying at home. I know it sounds devil.
And I met her, a young energetic and clever one. And things repeat (just I never learnt from those) and we did again. Looping the cycle of knowing, daily normal meeting, leaving, then found that we did into each other somehow, struggling between the two sides of ourselves, getting hurt, then being forced to face the truth, back to square.
2. I get smaller, smaller and smaller at home.
My lovely adorable one is growing up everyday and she started her school time this year.
And getting worse and worse, my voice never get heard, my presence never get respected. I sleep when I can, I eat when I can, I read when I can, I work when I can.
TBC.
2011年9月29日 星期四
Hopeless Typhoon Signal #8
I'm here at office, silently and hopelessly on a day covered "FULLY" by Typhoon Signal #8.
I won't blame my luckiness to be posted at frontline operational position where I have to be here even there is a massive explosion but simply my personal feelings lately. Indeed, it's not a bad thing to work during bad weather, no phone calls, no emails, plenty of spare, possible tea snack from management....
The only thing bothering me is my poor skin condition.
Never intended to share to others but ridiculously I intended to hide from people because of it. It's been around 2 1/2 years that I was tortured by these redness / pimples / inflammation. It started with continuous pimples on cheek area and then prolonged redness. And now, both at the same time. Forgot how much money and time I've spent on treating this, facial (yea, facial for men), laser, chinese medicine, you name it. What can be concluded is I'm suffering from Rosacea which uncontrollably dilates blood vessels on cheek area upon inflammation. Unfortunately, the long term cure would be "avoid items initiate the redness" such as hot food, sunshine, sauna, steam...
And it's now XXXXXXXX red, itchy and oily for my face. sighhhhhhhh
Hopeless. I feel extremely hopeless after years of sufferings and torture. I feel like fallen into a trap where I can never get out until the end of my life. When juvenile think they would be getting out of ance after puberty, mine just started at my adulthood.
I drink lots of water, do lots of exercise, stay away from sunshine and alcohol, so what? Still, I'm hopeless.
Never understood why someones suicide because of ance but now I know.
p.s. a very deep feeling when I entered a senior's room today, her face changed sharply from a smiling friendly one to a norsious fedup one. I understood clearly at that moment and it's just hopeless.
I've disappointed myself and people around.
I won't blame my luckiness to be posted at frontline operational position where I have to be here even there is a massive explosion but simply my personal feelings lately. Indeed, it's not a bad thing to work during bad weather, no phone calls, no emails, plenty of spare, possible tea snack from management....
The only thing bothering me is my poor skin condition.
Never intended to share to others but ridiculously I intended to hide from people because of it. It's been around 2 1/2 years that I was tortured by these redness / pimples / inflammation. It started with continuous pimples on cheek area and then prolonged redness. And now, both at the same time. Forgot how much money and time I've spent on treating this, facial (yea, facial for men), laser, chinese medicine, you name it. What can be concluded is I'm suffering from Rosacea which uncontrollably dilates blood vessels on cheek area upon inflammation. Unfortunately, the long term cure would be "avoid items initiate the redness" such as hot food, sunshine, sauna, steam...
And it's now XXXXXXXX red, itchy and oily for my face. sighhhhhhhh
Hopeless. I feel extremely hopeless after years of sufferings and torture. I feel like fallen into a trap where I can never get out until the end of my life. When juvenile think they would be getting out of ance after puberty, mine just started at my adulthood.
I drink lots of water, do lots of exercise, stay away from sunshine and alcohol, so what? Still, I'm hopeless.
Never understood why someones suicide because of ance but now I know.
p.s. a very deep feeling when I entered a senior's room today, her face changed sharply from a smiling friendly one to a norsious fedup one. I understood clearly at that moment and it's just hopeless.
I've disappointed myself and people around.
2011年9月8日 星期四
Update Aug 2011
1. Footy
This came to my mind suddenly and I'm so satistified with the position lately. It doesn't mean playing on the left of right, forward or midfield, but the "State" that I'm getting involved in football.
Started having at least two running sessions per week to keep the physical attribute has been such a brilliant habit. The most important thing is I feel being involved in the team eventually (after almost 10 years of being isolated ".")
Sweat. Run. Ball. Game.
Update: after years, finally I scored for SJ's team during a league game on 25/9. Every effort pays (all the runs after work).
2. Work
Flatted. Or I'd say dropped.
After the first honeymoon year, seems I'm getting so lazy to dedicate to my work. Even I can feel the passion has gone.
Yeah, I got a chance but then everything has come back to very normal. Like the rabbit-turtle race, I saw rabbits taking me over one after one.
One year to go before my senior retires.
Focused. Passion. Agressiveness. Acting.
Update: heard that further manpower cut down is coming, not sure if I will be next
3. Wedding
Slowly moving forward.
Still not in the state to have the wedding feelings.
She's started the engine to lose weight.
Mentality. Romantic. Creativity. Organisation.
This came to my mind suddenly and I'm so satistified with the position lately. It doesn't mean playing on the left of right, forward or midfield, but the "State" that I'm getting involved in football.
Started having at least two running sessions per week to keep the physical attribute has been such a brilliant habit. The most important thing is I feel being involved in the team eventually (after almost 10 years of being isolated ".")
Sweat. Run. Ball. Game.
Update: after years, finally I scored for SJ's team during a league game on 25/9. Every effort pays (all the runs after work).
2. Work
Flatted. Or I'd say dropped.
After the first honeymoon year, seems I'm getting so lazy to dedicate to my work. Even I can feel the passion has gone.
Yeah, I got a chance but then everything has come back to very normal. Like the rabbit-turtle race, I saw rabbits taking me over one after one.
One year to go before my senior retires.
Focused. Passion. Agressiveness. Acting.
Update: heard that further manpower cut down is coming, not sure if I will be next
3. Wedding
Slowly moving forward.
Still not in the state to have the wedding feelings.
She's started the engine to lose weight.
Mentality. Romantic. Creativity. Organisation.
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