Downfall

Honestly, I'm a bit addicted to "that thing" since the first time in taipo. Today is my fourth time in this month and me and hh haven't been working since then. I'm down, I'm down because of the unlikeness  of positive future, no matter how hard i work on. For instance, the little guy will come to this world, hh will become a bulky mom, i will stay where I'm with my acting opportunity fading out.

About my job, i was granted with another acting opportunity in the past two weeks. While it's supposed to be a chance to perform, to shine, I've had it wasted totally. Instead of actively working hand in hand with superior, i had indeed left all the works to her. For those little tasks completed, there's no single one was mistake free. Even from my self evaluation, I'm pretty sure that all the so-called nice impression and history had been cleared. I was unable to lead one subordinate properly, i was unable to deliever any tasks in a timely manner and up to an acceptable standard. In short, it's just disappointing. I was told by my subordinate that the stuff learnt from me were opposed by my superior, wrong filing, wrong calculations, typos.....

For hh, yes, she's right, she's cried every holiday with me. With ever urges in sliming, tidying up the house, spending less....all my words had been a torture to her. What a daddy, what a husband. What the hell.

I tried to get to "it" for a short term way out. Shame on me that i pretended to be a student。 Nevertheless, i spent less then 1 min shame i know. And may be because of what i said, i was allowed to do nothing. Conclusion is i didn't have my pressure relieved but the other way around indeed.

Shame.