Pressure

Things are getting to me at the same time, thought Leung 28 was so spared that he "prolonged" the tasks under the list, the fact is they are all coming to my desk at the same time. Pressure of meeting deadlines, pressure of poor health, pressure of report to work without asking for leave, pressure of ruinning the historical statistics.

I was scared.

And today, I was thinking of quitting the sport that I dedicated for my life - football. This is one of the worst (frankly, the worst) game I've ever played. Passing, dribble, shoting, heading, defense and physical fitness. None of them was acceptable, I was so shame that I couldn't even look at the face of the manager.

Am I being a shame for the team and so-called a PE guy and works for the discipline?

I was even scared of joining my colleagues for a running training for 20K, I did.

I'm coming back. I do. I do.

You are wrong, Polly.

Polly, you left us on 19/2 silently. You left your family, you left your friends, you left the house.

You left yourself.

Really can't accept the news but from time to time, we were trying to believe it. I still don't understand why you chose to finish this way. It's the worst for everyone. Now we are moving on with your image in our mind, in our heart.

I miss you. I love you. May you have released from what you didn't want to face in our world.

Byebye, Polly.

Haven't update the blog for a while.

It's been 3 months since I posted to this section. It's dull and boring working here in the HQ. Unlike the others, I'm lucky enough to be here, enjoying long lunch hours, dsoa, flexible leave arrangement and no individual back log. However, I'm still the same, lazy, passive, careless and unattractive to others.

There are alot for me to improve and I've wasted one and a half month in 2009 already. Anything I planned but didn't achieve in 2009? A lot.

I'm jealous, I'm jealous that she started a new relationship and found her MAN (this is how she described him in her blog). She's proud of him, she's happy.

Me? Still hanging around, being found of mistakes committed, asking for dsoa....
Is this the life I've always been looking for?

Points to note in Gov

Already a year I've spent here, from the first day I left training school,

I was lost.

And now, after a year, I've got all these in my mind.

And they will all be embedded deeply.

1. 小心原來係最重要, 比起快, 恨 還重要 (以前以為在社會最重要既)
2. 創意在前線工作唔會有用, 升左另計
3. 外表對別人睇自己有莫大影響
4. 工作或要求唔係樣樣都做, 推得走既就推走佢

Wish everything goes fine in 2009.

慬慎, 但放得開

Couldn't say I'm experienced to say this, however, that was the feeling I got during these days from this lovely Department.

A Senior was interdicted. Yes, a Senior. It was the first time I heard that a senior was being interdicted. At the same time, rumor came saying that he was interdicted because of taking censored pictures.

I simply couldn't believe it.

And it taught me a lesson that 慬慎, 但放得開 is the way to survive in this department. Stay alert and careful, it doesn't promise anything, so stay open and optimistic.

A new start

Heard from the others, then confirmed on facebook, KL started a new relationship.

Always think of the wound I've made to her, but seemed I was actually the one who was hurt.

She got through and started a new life. I'm still hanging around with no change.

I lost.

祝福你.



the first time i felt i liked her - bbq at vincent's home
the first time we kissed - ta-mun
the first time we made out - after dining out
the first time we touched each other - wan chai
the first time we had a trip - cheung chau
the first time we had misunderstanding that i ignored her
the first time i escaped from her
the first time i felt she was abnormal from other girls
then we broke up

自信

發覺自己的自信不知不覺地下降, 不能怪人, 但事實上身邊的環境又可怕得很, 一大清早到晚可以完全沒有和其他人說話, 自閉地看呀看, 做呀做...

做錯, 一定沒有人相告

做好, 更加不會有人知

隊長, 他原來在一個月也未知如何叫我的名字

大隊長, 他更加認不到我罷

在這裡, 無可否認自己的rank是低無可低, 但估不到的是clerical都認不了自己

從前在別人在自己面前的那份自信我也不知去了那裡, 只覺自己成為一條在別人的位蠕動的虫, 成不了大器

我可以跑得出嗎?




其實我都唔係第一次做office,亦唔係第一次唔鍾意做office,只不過係接受唔等於ok

有錯其他人一定知,人又多,好容易就會俾人忘記,近日就係因為新system另自己完全被忘,ca們更開口表達不滿

因為frozen,無人放假 = 無位坐
連ca都開口話要另外一個都唔要我,跟手仲唔俾我用電腦,話佢地既工作比我的緊要
今個星期已經無人再搵我食飯
新system同舊system我都係一無所知
同事當然連名都唔會知

我根本就沒有存在過在這裡